Like many other people I have talked to about this, I have trouble calling people on the phone. I don't know why, I just do. It's so weird that such a simple thing, picking up a phone and pressing a button, causes me such anxiety, that I spend two hours sitting there looking at the call button before I can press it, if I even ever do. Even when it is someone I know very well, like a close friend, I spend hours, sometimes in vain, convincing myself to just call them. It is ridiculous.
But Grace, I ask myself, why? Why is this such a difficult thing for me? Am I scared? Scared of what? Them not answering? So leave a message. Them being busy? So its out of my control just call again later. A million other stupid excuses and lies run though my head, and I believe them. I hate it. I miss people, I want to talk to them, but for some reason the idea of talking to them through a phone makes it a stressful terrifying experience.
Today I took a big step. This was a problem in my life and I didn't like it. So after a whole morning of going, JUST CALL GODDAMNIT, my thumb hit the button and the phone was ringing.
I got to have a nice talk with my friend Kari who I miss so darn much it's crazy. That wasn't so hard.*
Growing up is a scary yet exciting thing. Learning to do things. Changing, growing, that's what life is all about.
*yes, yes it was. until I hit call, then it was the easiest thing ever. Gosh I miss her.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Today was defiantly one for the history book. or at least the blog
Today I turned twenty.
Or rather, yesterday, since it's now 1:30 in the morning.
I'll be honest, I was a little wary,seeing as how my last few birthdays have been less than good. But today was pretty fantastic.
This quarter I don't have any classes on Fridays which is pretty sweet.I woke up did some homework, almost went running but didn't. Instead finished that homework assignment and then showered and curled my hair all pretty like. I went to a few meetings I had and then headed off the hill down to Napa where I had dinner with my family. My parents and grandma drove up and my older sister lives there so we all meet at a restaurant she suggested. It was yummy and great to talk and see them. I got lots of great messages from good friends who I miss very much. Including one who sent me this awesome picture of a fox.
I got back to school, and a package that I had ordered earlier in the week got here, so the book I ordered as a present to myself is hear and I am so excited I can't wait to read it.
This evening after vespers I got to spend some time with my friends. Me and seven other people all pilled in the back of my friends car and we drove up to my schools airport/ observatory, and we brought blankets and laid in the back of his truck looking at the stars laughing and telling stories. The night was so clear and beautiful, and the memories and friendship with last a good long while. I am happy. My friends and my family are amazing. Life is good. There is a picture of an adorable fox on my blog.
It's nearing 2 in the morning and my toes are still frozen but I wanted to write a little about it, so hopefully one day I can look back and remember this feeling I have. This warm fuzzy in my chest that makes me smile to no end. After all the stress and depression the last few years, it's nice. My life feels like its changing for the better.
There is a new wind a-blowing. I'm gonna take the ride. Here is to a new decade, a new year, and a happier me!
(also, thinking about trying to blog everyday-or almost every day while 20. We'll see how this goes.)
Or rather, yesterday, since it's now 1:30 in the morning.
I'll be honest, I was a little wary,seeing as how my last few birthdays have been less than good. But today was pretty fantastic.
This quarter I don't have any classes on Fridays which is pretty sweet.I woke up did some homework, almost went running but didn't. Instead finished that homework assignment and then showered and curled my hair all pretty like. I went to a few meetings I had and then headed off the hill down to Napa where I had dinner with my family. My parents and grandma drove up and my older sister lives there so we all meet at a restaurant she suggested. It was yummy and great to talk and see them. I got lots of great messages from good friends who I miss very much. Including one who sent me this awesome picture of a fox.
aww yea look at that fox
Foxes are great, but not as great as getting to talk to people I care about a lot and miss, even if it's just for a little while. The drive back up to school was piece full and nice, the stars were beautiful and I had some great music, and I really live driving that road after dark so *thumbs up*.I got back to school, and a package that I had ordered earlier in the week got here, so the book I ordered as a present to myself is hear and I am so excited I can't wait to read it.
This evening after vespers I got to spend some time with my friends. Me and seven other people all pilled in the back of my friends car and we drove up to my schools airport/ observatory, and we brought blankets and laid in the back of his truck looking at the stars laughing and telling stories. The night was so clear and beautiful, and the memories and friendship with last a good long while. I am happy. My friends and my family are amazing. Life is good. There is a picture of an adorable fox on my blog.
It's nearing 2 in the morning and my toes are still frozen but I wanted to write a little about it, so hopefully one day I can look back and remember this feeling I have. This warm fuzzy in my chest that makes me smile to no end. After all the stress and depression the last few years, it's nice. My life feels like its changing for the better.
There is a new wind a-blowing. I'm gonna take the ride. Here is to a new decade, a new year, and a happier me!
(also, thinking about trying to blog everyday-or almost every day while 20. We'll see how this goes.)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Growing up? and A New Year
Hello there readers of my blog/people who still visit this area of the internet/people reading through all of my old blog post in the future when I'm SUPER FAMOUS/me in the future. It's January again, so don't forget to write 2012 before crossing it out to write 2013 on all your homework assignments.
I'm not the kind of person who participates in making New Years resolutions, and I am definitely not the kind of person who tells other people about New Years resolutions I do or don't make. I think it's silly, and using the date changing as a reason to spend the next two weeks making all of your friends hate you with all your "look at me eating salad and going to the gym everyday and/or being a 'better' person" facebook posts is just not the kind of thing that appeals to me. Maybe it's because a) I don't like posting facebook statuses anyway, or maybe its because b)
I Make 'Resolutions' All The Damn Time.
I have always been a consciously self-aware person, and when I find or see something about my self that I can change for the better, I set out and work for it. To me, everyday is a new day, and every Sunday starts a new week. Why should I wait until January 1st to change something about myself? Hell, when I decide to start something new, I start that day, because I know that if I put it off, it won't happen. That's just the way I am. I am a lazy procrastinator (it's one of the things I'm working on).
I bring this up a) because as previously mentioned it is the beginning of January so my facebook feed and tumblr dash are filled with people making resolutions that could not care less about, and b) because I turn 20 years old next Friday. New Years and New Years resolutions have to me always been over shadowed by a new age and my 'now-that-I'm-older-I-will-' type resolutions.
20 is a big number, a while new decade, a new chapter in the book of my life, and the end of being a teenager. I'm a little sad to see my teen years go because a part of me is a little disappointed that I never lead in a youth revolt, I never did much of the stereotypical teenagery-things that teens do in the movies and on tv. Probably because I was too busy reading books, wasting time on the internet, and hanging out with adults. Such is my life.
It is weird thinking about being twenty, because when I was younger, my favorite number was always 19, because I thought it was the perfect age. That was before I knew you had to be 21 to drink or even get into a concert where alcohol was served. But to my young kid mind that didn't matter because Nineteen was older than Eighteen and younger than twenty so you where an adult and were old enough to get married but you still had your whole adult life ahead of you. From my prospective now, it seams weird to think about, but my mother married my father when she was nineteen, and had my oldest sister when she was twenty. That seems almost foreign to me. Being married? having a KID? I can't even take care of a fish or handle being in a relationship! AND I am right now, writing this post, wearing onesie footy pajamas. Because I AM AN ADULT I constantly reassure myself. I have a job that I like, I pay bills, and I get to learn about things I enjoy learning about, and I get to spend time with some super cool people I am lucky to call my friends.
The last year of my life has been a learning year. I made a lot of mistakes, hurt some people I care about, and finally realized what I had said but not believed- my life is in my control. So I started taking control. I am excited to see what 20 has in store for me.
For the past week I have been attempting to read almost every article on cracked.com because I love that site and my current goal is to one day be a writer for them. If you don't read cracked, you should, and here is a great article that EVERYONE EVER should read.
Seriously go read that article.
In honor of the new year, today's song-at-the-end-of-the-blogpost is This Year By Meghan Tonjes, A lovely song filled with happiness and go listen to it 'kay?
I'm not the kind of person who participates in making New Years resolutions, and I am definitely not the kind of person who tells other people about New Years resolutions I do or don't make. I think it's silly, and using the date changing as a reason to spend the next two weeks making all of your friends hate you with all your "look at me eating salad and going to the gym everyday and/or being a 'better' person" facebook posts is just not the kind of thing that appeals to me. Maybe it's because a) I don't like posting facebook statuses anyway, or maybe its because b)
I Make 'Resolutions' All The Damn Time.
I have always been a consciously self-aware person, and when I find or see something about my self that I can change for the better, I set out and work for it. To me, everyday is a new day, and every Sunday starts a new week. Why should I wait until January 1st to change something about myself? Hell, when I decide to start something new, I start that day, because I know that if I put it off, it won't happen. That's just the way I am. I am a lazy procrastinator (it's one of the things I'm working on).
I bring this up a) because as previously mentioned it is the beginning of January so my facebook feed and tumblr dash are filled with people making resolutions that could not care less about, and b) because I turn 20 years old next Friday. New Years and New Years resolutions have to me always been over shadowed by a new age and my 'now-that-I'm-older-I-will-' type resolutions.
20 is a big number, a while new decade, a new chapter in the book of my life, and the end of being a teenager. I'm a little sad to see my teen years go because a part of me is a little disappointed that I never lead in a youth revolt, I never did much of the stereotypical teenagery-things that teens do in the movies and on tv. Probably because I was too busy reading books, wasting time on the internet, and hanging out with adults. Such is my life.
It is weird thinking about being twenty, because when I was younger, my favorite number was always 19, because I thought it was the perfect age. That was before I knew you had to be 21 to drink or even get into a concert where alcohol was served. But to my young kid mind that didn't matter because Nineteen was older than Eighteen and younger than twenty so you where an adult and were old enough to get married but you still had your whole adult life ahead of you. From my prospective now, it seams weird to think about, but my mother married my father when she was nineteen, and had my oldest sister when she was twenty. That seems almost foreign to me. Being married? having a KID? I can't even take care of a fish or handle being in a relationship! AND I am right now, writing this post, wearing onesie footy pajamas. Because I AM AN ADULT I constantly reassure myself. I have a job that I like, I pay bills, and I get to learn about things I enjoy learning about, and I get to spend time with some super cool people I am lucky to call my friends.
The last year of my life has been a learning year. I made a lot of mistakes, hurt some people I care about, and finally realized what I had said but not believed- my life is in my control. So I started taking control. I am excited to see what 20 has in store for me.
For the past week I have been attempting to read almost every article on cracked.com because I love that site and my current goal is to one day be a writer for them. If you don't read cracked, you should, and here is a great article that EVERYONE EVER should read.
Seriously go read that article.
In honor of the new year, today's song-at-the-end-of-the-blogpost is This Year By Meghan Tonjes, A lovely song filled with happiness and go listen to it 'kay?
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