Adventures in growing up- phone calls

Like many other people I have talked to about this, I have trouble calling people on the phone. I don't know why, I just do. It's so weird that such a simple thing, picking up a phone and pressing a button, causes me such anxiety, that I spend two hours sitting there looking at the call button before I can press it, if I even ever do. Even when it is someone I know very well, like a close friend, I spend hours, sometimes in vain, convincing myself to just call them. It is ridiculous.
But Grace, I ask myself, why? Why is this such a difficult thing for me? Am I scared? Scared of what? Them not answering? So leave a message. Them being busy? So its out of my control just call again later. A million other stupid excuses and lies run though my head, and I believe them. I hate it. I miss people, I want to talk to them, but for some reason the idea of talking to them through a phone makes it a stressful terrifying experience.
Today I took a big step. This was a problem in my life and I didn't like it. So after a whole morning of going, JUST CALL GODDAMNIT, my thumb hit the button and the phone was ringing.
I got to have a nice talk with my friend Kari who I miss so darn much it's crazy. That wasn't so hard.*

Growing up is a scary yet exciting thing. Learning to do things. Changing, growing, that's what life is all about.


*yes, yes it was. until I hit call, then it was the easiest thing ever. Gosh I miss her.