So it seams as per usual I let time get away from myself. I tell myself I will blog, have good thoughts and ideas for a blog, but they never make it to a post. Sometimes I'll even open a draft, and then close it later, still wordless.
I've considered 'walking' away and leaving this blog as a monument to my youth and starting a new one. Because it feels weird having the blog posts and ramblings of teenager me along side whatever I will be posting in the future, but perhaps that is just me being silly.
It's nearing the end of summer now, though it feels like summer just begun, with how little down time I have had, but I think that is just a part of adulthood. School with be starting up again soon, but we'll talk about that later in this post.
I have recently finished my sophomore year of college, and I can say that with out a doubt it has been one of the best years of my life. When I think back on who I was a year ago, I am grateful for all of the trials and thing I have had to go through, and for the friends I have, that have gotten me to where I am today. It was weird leaving school this year, because I've begun to feel like that place is my home, and I know I won't be returning this school year.
In 22 days from today I will be boarding a plane and heading off to the south of France for the school year. It is an terrifying and exciting. Those who know me know that I had planed for most of my young life and high-school to spend all of my college years abroad, but it turned out that I will only get one. I have always been a traveler at heart, staying in one place for to long just seams incomprehensible. Though now I am filled with equal excitement for my coming adventures and memories, and sadness at leaving behind friends. I know they will be there when I return and that we will be friends for a long time, but it's weird knowing they wont be there with me.
In the end I have decided to keep this blog, though I do not know how often I will be posting here, but even if it is only every several months when I find some free time, It is a nice place for me to write about my life and for me to look back on and remember who I was, so in the future I always have a way of hearing from my younger self.
The other way I have of doing that is of course my videos, but they have also been lacking. It's been a long time since I made regular videos, and I hope I can change that. I know that the limitations and things that are holding me back are all in my head, but that doesn't make them any less harder to overcome. I hope that I can change that soon and get back to posting regular videos.
Despite how often I post on this blog, I have started another, Rivers of Tarmac, Asphalt, and steel, which will be thoughts transposed from the journal I carry with me when I travel.
If that interests you, go follow.
And if you feel there is not enough of me in your life because of the rarity of posts here, I have a tumblr you can follow.
It's getting late so I'm gonna wrap up this post by reminding whoever is reading this to go call someone you haven't talked to in a long time. Or facebook chat someone you don't talk to often. Friends are important.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
those days: a trip to the park.
Sometimes it's not about the days where everything goes perfect, or even the days when everything goes wrong. Sometimes its just about the days where everything just is.
'Normal' days that just go by. They happen. Uneventful days that pass by unnoticed and unappreciated. Here is to those days.
I spent sometime sitting in a park on a bench today. watching. listening. seeing.
A family plays on the playground. A two year only boy with sandy blond hair running and giggling as his parents chase him round and round. I wander what their life is like. they have thoughts that only they can hear. What are they thinking? The three of them look so happy together. Who are they? Who will they be? In ten, fifteen, twenty years, will they still be able to laugh and smile together in the park? What choices will they make in their life? How many people do they know? Why are they all in black except the grey shirt under the boys black coat? How far did they have to come t be at this park today? What are they doing later? How can I impact their lives in a positive way?
A man in a bright yellow coat rides up on a red bicycle with red side bags. He rides up and opens the door to the community garden, and I watch as he begins to car for the plants. Picking up a water can and a hose giving the plants the water they need for life.I wander where he has come from. What else he is doing today. How does he spend his days? I want to watch him all day. Take in all he is doing as his coat stand out so vividly against the brown foliage of the winter park. But I am distracted by something else in the park.
There are people all over. Each doing their own thing. Some in groups, like the family, or the group of teenagers lounging on a pick-nick table on the other side of the park, Some are alone, like the man, or the people running through with dogs or on their own.
I am captivated bu all of them. I am interested in all of them. I want to know their lives. Their stories. What they do everyday. What is their best day? What is their worst day? What do they do on days like today, Where everything is normal?
There are so many people in this world, and so often we only concentrate on ourselves. Everyone has a story to tell.
We should listen.
'Normal' days that just go by. They happen. Uneventful days that pass by unnoticed and unappreciated. Here is to those days.
I spent sometime sitting in a park on a bench today. watching. listening. seeing.
A family plays on the playground. A two year only boy with sandy blond hair running and giggling as his parents chase him round and round. I wander what their life is like. they have thoughts that only they can hear. What are they thinking? The three of them look so happy together. Who are they? Who will they be? In ten, fifteen, twenty years, will they still be able to laugh and smile together in the park? What choices will they make in their life? How many people do they know? Why are they all in black except the grey shirt under the boys black coat? How far did they have to come t be at this park today? What are they doing later? How can I impact their lives in a positive way?
A man in a bright yellow coat rides up on a red bicycle with red side bags. He rides up and opens the door to the community garden, and I watch as he begins to car for the plants. Picking up a water can and a hose giving the plants the water they need for life.I wander where he has come from. What else he is doing today. How does he spend his days? I want to watch him all day. Take in all he is doing as his coat stand out so vividly against the brown foliage of the winter park. But I am distracted by something else in the park.
There are people all over. Each doing their own thing. Some in groups, like the family, or the group of teenagers lounging on a pick-nick table on the other side of the park, Some are alone, like the man, or the people running through with dogs or on their own.
I am captivated bu all of them. I am interested in all of them. I want to know their lives. Their stories. What they do everyday. What is their best day? What is their worst day? What do they do on days like today, Where everything is normal?
There are so many people in this world, and so often we only concentrate on ourselves. Everyone has a story to tell.
We should listen.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Adventures in growing up- phone calls
Like many other people I have talked to about this, I have trouble calling people on the phone. I don't know why, I just do. It's so weird that such a simple thing, picking up a phone and pressing a button, causes me such anxiety, that I spend two hours sitting there looking at the call button before I can press it, if I even ever do. Even when it is someone I know very well, like a close friend, I spend hours, sometimes in vain, convincing myself to just call them. It is ridiculous.
But Grace, I ask myself, why? Why is this such a difficult thing for me? Am I scared? Scared of what? Them not answering? So leave a message. Them being busy? So its out of my control just call again later. A million other stupid excuses and lies run though my head, and I believe them. I hate it. I miss people, I want to talk to them, but for some reason the idea of talking to them through a phone makes it a stressful terrifying experience.
Today I took a big step. This was a problem in my life and I didn't like it. So after a whole morning of going, JUST CALL GODDAMNIT, my thumb hit the button and the phone was ringing.
I got to have a nice talk with my friend Kari who I miss so darn much it's crazy. That wasn't so hard.*
Growing up is a scary yet exciting thing. Learning to do things. Changing, growing, that's what life is all about.
*yes, yes it was. until I hit call, then it was the easiest thing ever. Gosh I miss her.
But Grace, I ask myself, why? Why is this such a difficult thing for me? Am I scared? Scared of what? Them not answering? So leave a message. Them being busy? So its out of my control just call again later. A million other stupid excuses and lies run though my head, and I believe them. I hate it. I miss people, I want to talk to them, but for some reason the idea of talking to them through a phone makes it a stressful terrifying experience.
Today I took a big step. This was a problem in my life and I didn't like it. So after a whole morning of going, JUST CALL GODDAMNIT, my thumb hit the button and the phone was ringing.
I got to have a nice talk with my friend Kari who I miss so darn much it's crazy. That wasn't so hard.*
Growing up is a scary yet exciting thing. Learning to do things. Changing, growing, that's what life is all about.
*yes, yes it was. until I hit call, then it was the easiest thing ever. Gosh I miss her.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Today was defiantly one for the history book. or at least the blog
Today I turned twenty.
Or rather, yesterday, since it's now 1:30 in the morning.
I'll be honest, I was a little wary,seeing as how my last few birthdays have been less than good. But today was pretty fantastic.
This quarter I don't have any classes on Fridays which is pretty sweet.I woke up did some homework, almost went running but didn't. Instead finished that homework assignment and then showered and curled my hair all pretty like. I went to a few meetings I had and then headed off the hill down to Napa where I had dinner with my family. My parents and grandma drove up and my older sister lives there so we all meet at a restaurant she suggested. It was yummy and great to talk and see them. I got lots of great messages from good friends who I miss very much. Including one who sent me this awesome picture of a fox.
I got back to school, and a package that I had ordered earlier in the week got here, so the book I ordered as a present to myself is hear and I am so excited I can't wait to read it.
This evening after vespers I got to spend some time with my friends. Me and seven other people all pilled in the back of my friends car and we drove up to my schools airport/ observatory, and we brought blankets and laid in the back of his truck looking at the stars laughing and telling stories. The night was so clear and beautiful, and the memories and friendship with last a good long while. I am happy. My friends and my family are amazing. Life is good. There is a picture of an adorable fox on my blog.
It's nearing 2 in the morning and my toes are still frozen but I wanted to write a little about it, so hopefully one day I can look back and remember this feeling I have. This warm fuzzy in my chest that makes me smile to no end. After all the stress and depression the last few years, it's nice. My life feels like its changing for the better.
There is a new wind a-blowing. I'm gonna take the ride. Here is to a new decade, a new year, and a happier me!
(also, thinking about trying to blog everyday-or almost every day while 20. We'll see how this goes.)
Or rather, yesterday, since it's now 1:30 in the morning.
I'll be honest, I was a little wary,seeing as how my last few birthdays have been less than good. But today was pretty fantastic.
This quarter I don't have any classes on Fridays which is pretty sweet.I woke up did some homework, almost went running but didn't. Instead finished that homework assignment and then showered and curled my hair all pretty like. I went to a few meetings I had and then headed off the hill down to Napa where I had dinner with my family. My parents and grandma drove up and my older sister lives there so we all meet at a restaurant she suggested. It was yummy and great to talk and see them. I got lots of great messages from good friends who I miss very much. Including one who sent me this awesome picture of a fox.
aww yea look at that fox
Foxes are great, but not as great as getting to talk to people I care about a lot and miss, even if it's just for a little while. The drive back up to school was piece full and nice, the stars were beautiful and I had some great music, and I really live driving that road after dark so *thumbs up*.I got back to school, and a package that I had ordered earlier in the week got here, so the book I ordered as a present to myself is hear and I am so excited I can't wait to read it.
This evening after vespers I got to spend some time with my friends. Me and seven other people all pilled in the back of my friends car and we drove up to my schools airport/ observatory, and we brought blankets and laid in the back of his truck looking at the stars laughing and telling stories. The night was so clear and beautiful, and the memories and friendship with last a good long while. I am happy. My friends and my family are amazing. Life is good. There is a picture of an adorable fox on my blog.
It's nearing 2 in the morning and my toes are still frozen but I wanted to write a little about it, so hopefully one day I can look back and remember this feeling I have. This warm fuzzy in my chest that makes me smile to no end. After all the stress and depression the last few years, it's nice. My life feels like its changing for the better.
There is a new wind a-blowing. I'm gonna take the ride. Here is to a new decade, a new year, and a happier me!
(also, thinking about trying to blog everyday-or almost every day while 20. We'll see how this goes.)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Growing up? and A New Year
Hello there readers of my blog/people who still visit this area of the internet/people reading through all of my old blog post in the future when I'm SUPER FAMOUS/me in the future. It's January again, so don't forget to write 2012 before crossing it out to write 2013 on all your homework assignments.
I'm not the kind of person who participates in making New Years resolutions, and I am definitely not the kind of person who tells other people about New Years resolutions I do or don't make. I think it's silly, and using the date changing as a reason to spend the next two weeks making all of your friends hate you with all your "look at me eating salad and going to the gym everyday and/or being a 'better' person" facebook posts is just not the kind of thing that appeals to me. Maybe it's because a) I don't like posting facebook statuses anyway, or maybe its because b)
I Make 'Resolutions' All The Damn Time.
I have always been a consciously self-aware person, and when I find or see something about my self that I can change for the better, I set out and work for it. To me, everyday is a new day, and every Sunday starts a new week. Why should I wait until January 1st to change something about myself? Hell, when I decide to start something new, I start that day, because I know that if I put it off, it won't happen. That's just the way I am. I am a lazy procrastinator (it's one of the things I'm working on).
I bring this up a) because as previously mentioned it is the beginning of January so my facebook feed and tumblr dash are filled with people making resolutions that could not care less about, and b) because I turn 20 years old next Friday. New Years and New Years resolutions have to me always been over shadowed by a new age and my 'now-that-I'm-older-I-will-' type resolutions.
20 is a big number, a while new decade, a new chapter in the book of my life, and the end of being a teenager. I'm a little sad to see my teen years go because a part of me is a little disappointed that I never lead in a youth revolt, I never did much of the stereotypical teenagery-things that teens do in the movies and on tv. Probably because I was too busy reading books, wasting time on the internet, and hanging out with adults. Such is my life.
It is weird thinking about being twenty, because when I was younger, my favorite number was always 19, because I thought it was the perfect age. That was before I knew you had to be 21 to drink or even get into a concert where alcohol was served. But to my young kid mind that didn't matter because Nineteen was older than Eighteen and younger than twenty so you where an adult and were old enough to get married but you still had your whole adult life ahead of you. From my prospective now, it seams weird to think about, but my mother married my father when she was nineteen, and had my oldest sister when she was twenty. That seems almost foreign to me. Being married? having a KID? I can't even take care of a fish or handle being in a relationship! AND I am right now, writing this post, wearing onesie footy pajamas. Because I AM AN ADULT I constantly reassure myself. I have a job that I like, I pay bills, and I get to learn about things I enjoy learning about, and I get to spend time with some super cool people I am lucky to call my friends.
The last year of my life has been a learning year. I made a lot of mistakes, hurt some people I care about, and finally realized what I had said but not believed- my life is in my control. So I started taking control. I am excited to see what 20 has in store for me.
For the past week I have been attempting to read almost every article on cracked.com because I love that site and my current goal is to one day be a writer for them. If you don't read cracked, you should, and here is a great article that EVERYONE EVER should read.
Seriously go read that article.
In honor of the new year, today's song-at-the-end-of-the-blogpost is This Year By Meghan Tonjes, A lovely song filled with happiness and go listen to it 'kay?
I'm not the kind of person who participates in making New Years resolutions, and I am definitely not the kind of person who tells other people about New Years resolutions I do or don't make. I think it's silly, and using the date changing as a reason to spend the next two weeks making all of your friends hate you with all your "look at me eating salad and going to the gym everyday and/or being a 'better' person" facebook posts is just not the kind of thing that appeals to me. Maybe it's because a) I don't like posting facebook statuses anyway, or maybe its because b)
I Make 'Resolutions' All The Damn Time.
I have always been a consciously self-aware person, and when I find or see something about my self that I can change for the better, I set out and work for it. To me, everyday is a new day, and every Sunday starts a new week. Why should I wait until January 1st to change something about myself? Hell, when I decide to start something new, I start that day, because I know that if I put it off, it won't happen. That's just the way I am. I am a lazy procrastinator (it's one of the things I'm working on).
I bring this up a) because as previously mentioned it is the beginning of January so my facebook feed and tumblr dash are filled with people making resolutions that could not care less about, and b) because I turn 20 years old next Friday. New Years and New Years resolutions have to me always been over shadowed by a new age and my 'now-that-I'm-older-I-will-' type resolutions.
20 is a big number, a while new decade, a new chapter in the book of my life, and the end of being a teenager. I'm a little sad to see my teen years go because a part of me is a little disappointed that I never lead in a youth revolt, I never did much of the stereotypical teenagery-things that teens do in the movies and on tv. Probably because I was too busy reading books, wasting time on the internet, and hanging out with adults. Such is my life.
It is weird thinking about being twenty, because when I was younger, my favorite number was always 19, because I thought it was the perfect age. That was before I knew you had to be 21 to drink or even get into a concert where alcohol was served. But to my young kid mind that didn't matter because Nineteen was older than Eighteen and younger than twenty so you where an adult and were old enough to get married but you still had your whole adult life ahead of you. From my prospective now, it seams weird to think about, but my mother married my father when she was nineteen, and had my oldest sister when she was twenty. That seems almost foreign to me. Being married? having a KID? I can't even take care of a fish or handle being in a relationship! AND I am right now, writing this post, wearing onesie footy pajamas. Because I AM AN ADULT I constantly reassure myself. I have a job that I like, I pay bills, and I get to learn about things I enjoy learning about, and I get to spend time with some super cool people I am lucky to call my friends.
The last year of my life has been a learning year. I made a lot of mistakes, hurt some people I care about, and finally realized what I had said but not believed- my life is in my control. So I started taking control. I am excited to see what 20 has in store for me.
For the past week I have been attempting to read almost every article on cracked.com because I love that site and my current goal is to one day be a writer for them. If you don't read cracked, you should, and here is a great article that EVERYONE EVER should read.
Seriously go read that article.
In honor of the new year, today's song-at-the-end-of-the-blogpost is This Year By Meghan Tonjes, A lovely song filled with happiness and go listen to it 'kay?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Fafafa-finals!
It's 3 Am again.
On aSaturday Sunday morning.
Finals week is upon us.
I would say exam week but I only have 1 exam, they rest are projects and papers.
Which is why I am here at 3 in the morning writing to take a break from- writing.
Well, that^ was written Saturday night.
Its now about 4 Tuesday morning.
TIME TRAVEL!
I'm just about finished editing my final film for my film history class, and then I'm gonna finish my 30 page script fot my short screen writing class, and then all I have to do is study for my French test Thursday.
TAKE THAT FINALS WEEK.
It should be said that I have not been this confident and relaxed the last few days, but that is good because its that stress and pressure that pushes me to perform wonderfully.
I am so ridiculously proud of this short film. I'm shocked given how unhappy and apathetic I was about it 12 hours ago.
But my time spent editing has been time well spend.
J'ecoute ce chanson encore et encore, c'est etudier pour la exam de francais, d'accord?
Aww look at me doing French. That took me an embarrassingly long time to write since I had to look up a few words and think hard. The grammar may be off I don't know. maybe I'll ask my professor.
Alright, back to work.
On a
Finals week is upon us.
I would say exam week but I only have 1 exam, they rest are projects and papers.
Which is why I am here at 3 in the morning writing to take a break from- writing.
Well, that^ was written Saturday night.
Its now about 4 Tuesday morning.
TIME TRAVEL!
I'm just about finished editing my final film for my film history class, and then I'm gonna finish my 30 page script fot my short screen writing class, and then all I have to do is study for my French test Thursday.
TAKE THAT FINALS WEEK.
It should be said that I have not been this confident and relaxed the last few days, but that is good because its that stress and pressure that pushes me to perform wonderfully.
I am so ridiculously proud of this short film. I'm shocked given how unhappy and apathetic I was about it 12 hours ago.
But my time spent editing has been time well spend.
J'ecoute ce chanson encore et encore, c'est etudier pour la exam de francais, d'accord?
Aww look at me doing French. That took me an embarrassingly long time to write since I had to look up a few words and think hard. The grammar may be off I don't know. maybe I'll ask my professor.
Alright, back to work.
Monday, November 26, 2012
back at school
It was great to have a week off of school to go home and relax, but even better to be back at school.
What? your crazy Grace! better to be back at school?!
My roommate and I rearranged our room, it lovely and new and more space-efficient.
My monday has been lovely and relaxing as perusal this quarter as it is my day with the most free time, (but uuughgh on tuesdays and wednesdays). I know I should have spent the afternoon doing the homework I have to turn in tomorrow or studying, but the the view out my window was so beautiful with all the fall-colored leaves I couldn't help but spend all afternoon just staring out at it.
After spending the last week at home reading or sprawled awkwardly on my bed staring at my computer screen with no set schedule, it really is great to be back to the routine of classes, and being in charge of myself again.
I still don't know what the future holds but with each passing day it comes crushingly nearer, and I'm learning to accept that. My future is mine to decide and my fate is mine to control, if only I would get off of my bed and write that assignment I've been pushing off.
and with that, I'm off to try and smash my head into my keyboard until words come out.
Song of the day- 'A Harbor a Sailor' By The Sparrows.
What? your crazy Grace! better to be back at school?!
My roommate and I rearranged our room, it lovely and new and more space-efficient.
My monday has been lovely and relaxing as perusal this quarter as it is my day with the most free time, (but uuughgh on tuesdays and wednesdays). I know I should have spent the afternoon doing the homework I have to turn in tomorrow or studying, but the the view out my window was so beautiful with all the fall-colored leaves I couldn't help but spend all afternoon just staring out at it.
After spending the last week at home reading or sprawled awkwardly on my bed staring at my computer screen with no set schedule, it really is great to be back to the routine of classes, and being in charge of myself again.
I still don't know what the future holds but with each passing day it comes crushingly nearer, and I'm learning to accept that. My future is mine to decide and my fate is mine to control, if only I would get off of my bed and write that assignment I've been pushing off.
and with that, I'm off to try and smash my head into my keyboard until words come out.
Song of the day- 'A Harbor a Sailor' By The Sparrows.
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