Fafafa-finals!

It's 3 Am again.
On a Saturday  Sunday morning.
Finals week is upon us.
I would say exam week but I only have 1 exam, they rest are projects and papers.
Which is why I am here at 3 in the morning writing to take a break from- writing.

Well, that^ was written Saturday night.
Its now about 4 Tuesday morning.
TIME TRAVEL!

I'm just about finished editing my final film for my film history class, and then I'm gonna finish my 30 page script fot my short screen writing class, and then all I have to do is study for my French test Thursday.
TAKE THAT FINALS WEEK.
It should be said that I have not been this confident and relaxed the last few days, but that is good because its that stress and pressure that pushes me to perform wonderfully.
I am so ridiculously proud of this short film. I'm shocked given how unhappy and apathetic I was about it 12 hours ago.
But my time spent editing has been time well spend.

J'ecoute ce chanson encore et encore, c'est etudier pour la exam de francais, d'accord?

Aww look at me doing French. That took me an embarrassingly long time to write since I had to look up a few words and think hard. The grammar may be off I don't know. maybe I'll ask my professor.

Alright, back to work.

back at school

It was great to have a week off of school to go home and relax, but even better to be back at school.
What? your crazy Grace! better to be back at school?!
My roommate and I rearranged our room, it lovely and new and more space-efficient.
My monday has been lovely and relaxing as perusal this quarter as it is my day with the most free time, (but uuughgh on tuesdays and wednesdays). I know I should have spent the afternoon doing the homework I have to turn in tomorrow or studying, but the the view out my window was so beautiful with all the fall-colored leaves I couldn't help but spend all afternoon just staring out at it.
After spending the last week at home reading or sprawled awkwardly on my bed staring at my computer screen with no set schedule, it really is great to be back to the routine of classes, and being in charge of myself again.
I still don't know what the future holds but with each passing day it comes crushingly nearer, and I'm learning to accept that. My future is mine to decide and my fate is mine to control, if only I would get off of my bed and write that assignment I've been pushing off.
and with that, I'm off to try and smash my head into my keyboard until words come out.


Song of the day- 'A Harbor a Sailor' By The Sparrows.

Home again

So I am back home for the week for Thanksgiving break now, and I've had a pretty good day so I'm gonna blog about it.  YEAAAA
Since today was a Friday, like all Fridays this quarter I didn't have any class, just work. So when I woke up I packed for break. And by packed I mean took my hamper of dirty clothes and put it in my car with my toothbrush, guitar, and basketball.
I work as a lab ta at my school and the friday morning shift is usually pretty slow, today was no real exception until the end of my sift until a friend of mine came in to hang out and talk for a little while, and then my friend Zach who has the shift after me came in and we were all talking and listening to music, so when my shift got over I stayed a little longer.
And then Zach's brother came and was gonna rent out the fog machines.
Oh yea, I work in the film department and we have fog machines as equipment we can rent out.
So we started fogging up the lab and set up some lights to play around with lighting systems in fog. Twas great fun. We took some pictures and some videos, listened to lots of great music. I ended up staying a lot later then expected, but it was worth it.
Since my car had already been packed it was time to hit the road. Fall has finally hit and the grey skies and fog I love so much kept me company as I headed off the hill my school is on and made my way home. I hit some traffic so my drive took me longer than usual but I didn't mind. The 2 + hour drive between my school and my house is actually really pretty no matter what the weather I love driving it.
I love the rain, and it was so beautiful as I was driving down the roads through the hills and vineyards and fields. The sun set pretty early especially with all the clouds making it darker, but I've always enjoyed driving at night. Something about it just makes me really happy. 'Specially when I have some nice tunes playing.
I arrived home safe, happy, and relaxed, ready to start my week break.
and then of course getting love-attacked from my dogs the moment I stepped in the door is a great way to end my trip home.
It's gonna be a good one I can tell.

It's also been a week since I decided to blacklist tumblr for a while. feels good man. feels good.
song of the day: 'Home' by Mumford and Sons

Time passes

It can be hard to notice the passing of time until its past.
It has been so long since I blogged that blogger has completely changed and it took me a few minutes to figure out how to start a new post.
Go Grace!
I am disappointed with where my life has wound up. Now, I do not regret the choice I made to come to this school. I believe it was the right choice to spend last year here. I'm just not so sure about this one. I'm ready to move on. I've been looking up schools to transfer to and have found myself in a weird situation. I can't make up my mind. I love my major, and I want to continue with it, but I also like many other things and want to do them. How do I decide which I want to do? I am always worried that I will make the wrong choice and waste more time and money.
I want to travel. I want to learn. I want to do good in the world.
I'm so tired of being stuck in the safety net that I am not even sure how I got into.
I am done.
I am done living my life in passing. I've been so bored the past few years I forgot how to be not bored. stuck in this rut.
On friday I closed my tumblr tab and haven't been back on.
 I quit. cold turkey. today is day 3. It's been hard. but I have so much more time in my schedule. My mind is free-er. I also have signed out of facebook and only go on 2 times a day.
 I don't know how long I will keep this up but the original plan is 2 weeks, so we'll see how I feel after that. I know this will be difficult because I can already feel the withdraws, but I know it will also be good. I am much happier with out all these things that aren't important taking up my time.

 I also plan to blog more, and get back to vlogging, (fingers crossed) in a hopes that it will help push me to live the kind of life I would want to be telling people on the internet about.

Here is to the future.

artist/band of the week: Chris Rubeo

So it seams I'm rubbish at actually ever updating this blog anymore. oops. (last post on December 11?! for shame Grace, for shame!) well in the over three months its been since I blogged a lot has happened. I turned 19 in January and have gone through my second quarter of college.
which brings us to why I'm actually here blogging.
It's finals week. Lucky I already have 3 out of the way, and just 2 left. and those two are my art class and my film class.
I'll be honest, I haven't really had much time to blog this quarter at all, I've been busy, schoolwork, classes, hanging out with people (I actually have a pretty lively social life, but well get to that later ;P)
So why do I suddenly have time to blog? well, because my art final is in an hour, and I uh, haven't been to sleep yet.
I am currently watching the sun rise for the second time in 3 days. I've been up all night working on editing my final film project (due at 7 this evening) and doing my final art project (due in an hour) I just finally finished my art project, and noticed there was 5 minutes left until my alarm would go off to wake me up. so uh, no sleep tonight.
whooooooo
also, I've had so much tea in the past week it is completely impossible to count the number if cups. If I were to cut myself I'd probably bleed tea.
As for my busy social life, I've made a lot of friends who are really awesome and fun to hang out with.
I also am no longer single. which is really weird.
that's right, I have a boyfriend. He is awesome. and that's all I'm saying because its time to make more tea and get ready for class.
Also, I've been ridiculously happy the last few days.
and here is a post I made to my tumblr a few days ago that might be interesting and make up for my lack of blogging here.
See you hopefully soon. (probably in 3 more months)

Midnight ramblings

So I haven't posted here since september. before I even came to college. But I am going to avoid all the catch up what-has-been-going-on-in-my-life-and-how-much-fun-I've-been-having talk because its now after 2 in the morning and I've had a terrible day and now I'm depressed and need some where to vent.
So just ignore this post. its mainly just for me to look back in n a few months and remind myself how I was feeling.



I'm siting here listening to 'Tenuousness' by Andrew Bird after watching Crazy Stupid Love (good movie by the way, very funny, and enjoyable, even though I normally dislike happy-ending love stories(because I'm a cynical realist)) instead of getting ready for my finals week...

and I'm just sitting here depressed and thinking about my life and the choices I've made/will make, for not even the first time today. And I thought it would be better here. I've had so much fun the last few months here at college, keeping myself busy and surround myself with funny and like able people. But today man. today. I just can't stop thinking about how much I don't know where I want my life to go. Don't get me wrong, I love being film major and I have no intention of changing that anytime soon. but, I mean, I've been so depressed the last few years. I didn't even realize that I stopped smiling all the time. a few people have remarked how I don't seem as happy as I used to be, and people who haven't known me very long probably just assume this is is how I normally am. which I guess is true now. but at least I am happy, most days. I am content, most days. Because most days I can suck it up, and be OK. I the fucking queen of being OK. most days.

but not today. I was hoping the high from college and new surroundings and new people would last longer. But here I am the end of my first quarter and already depressed and angsty. uncontent with my life and how I spend my time. Uncontent with who I am.

my English class this year has been very big into debates and beliefs and talking about different ethical systems. At first class I liked it but then I began to not. mainly because of who I am. I don't like talking about what I believe. I like to remain neutral, keep my heart as far way from my sleeve as possible. but unfortunately after 4 months of this class and being forces into thinking about it, the part of my brain has woken back up after I spent the last 2 years trying to shut it up so I could get through days without being depressed. Because thinking makes me pretty god-damn depressed.

but non of that is what I was planning on talking about. oops.

what I had been thinking about was how i'd been thinking about my life and how I can't help but feel its going nowhere. while going somewhere.

Thoughts: lack of decision making is in itself a decision right?

because I am hate making decisions and am terrible at it. Which means my life tense to progress by what is easiest, by what happens when you wait to long to make up your mind.

basically, I'm sad because I feel like I am where I am because of my lack of ability to make to decisions and my lack of drive to do anything about it.

I've been waiting for over two years for some magical spark. adventure or SOMETHING. something to change who I am and give me the drive to do something. give me inspiration. give me courage to stand up for what I believe in. or even the courage to think about and find out what I believe.

but I am being to worry that it will never come. And if there is no magical spark or awakening change then the change must come from inside me.

and if that's the case. then I'm fucked. because I am just a robot with a dead battery.

Midnight sugar rush and Pottermore

Whats this? Blogging two days in a row? What is this madness?

Basically, my little sister left a bag of candy in my room today, and I just finished editing a vlog for the youtubes, and its almost one o'clock in the morning. SO IMMA BLOG NAO.

Today I went with my parents to some swanky shindig dinner to honor people who donate blood, because both me and my dad donate blood. (My mom can't but they let us bring guests) It was out at a winery/ranch that is really pretty. It was nice. But I was kinda bored because almost everyone there was old. But I got free food so WIN.

Hey look its a pottermore survey thing I found on the interwebs I think Imma do it.

1. What's your Pottermore username? StarAccio73

2.What House do you think it sounds like? I don't know, Ravenclaw probably ;)

3. What House do you want to be in? I'm already in and sorted. RAVENCLAW PRIDE Y'ALL. I"m so Ravenclawesome

hehe see what i did there

4. Does your username relate to you at all? It does. I feel pretty lucky to have been given a username I like. Accio is my favourite spell and I love stars. I used to star gaze all the time as a kid and I own lotsa star-charts. I'm pretty sure if I was at Hogwarts my highest grade would be astronomy

5. What kind of wand would you wish to get? As above, since I'm already in I have mine. Its Elm with Unicorn hair, 10 and 3/4 inches, hard.

6. Which day did you get into Pottermore? Day 1 YO!

7. What shape is your Patronus? A giraffe. or a narwale. but probably a giraffe.

8. What does your boggart look like? I don't know man. I'd actually really like to meat a boggart (yes I know they're not real but I can imagine) because I want to know what shape it would take. I don't really have a greatest fear. I've jokingly said the sorting hat not putting me in Ravenclaw. yea, Imma go with that.

9. Would you rather be an Animagus or a Matamorphmagus? thats a tough one, but I"ll go with Matamorphmagus. Tonks yo. also then I could change my hair every day.

10. If you were an Animagus, what animal would you be? I actually really don't know. Probably a dog or a cat. Or maybe sometime of bird so I could fly. yea a bird. flying is awesome.



Alright, I'm gonna go back to tumblr and my book.

night y'all